INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS Issues, theories and research Brianna Griffin Table Of Contents: 1- Strangers, Friends and Lovers: Why is life so complicated? -Picture….. Page 4 -Websites…Page 4-5 -Article……Page 5-6 -Reasoning behind chapter choice…. Page 6-7 2 – Self-Presentation and Self-Disclosure -Picture…. Page 7 -Websites…. Page 8 -Article…. Page 8-9 -Reasoning behind chapter choice…. Page 9-10 3- Communication and Relationship Management -Picture…. Page 11 -Websites…. Page 11 -Article…. Page 12 -Reasoning behind chapter choice…. Page 12-13 – Conflict -Picture…. Page 14 -Websites…. Page 14-15 -Article…. Page 15 -Reasoning behind chapter choice…. Page 15-17 5- Dissolution and its Aftermath -Picture…. Page 17 -Websites…. Page 17-18 -Article…. Page 18 -Reasoning behind chapter choice…. Page 18-20 Reflection Paper -Paper…. Page 20-30 -References…. Page 31 Strangers, Friends and Lovers: Why is life so complicated? The following two links contain websites relating to this chapter http://users. ipfw. edu/bordens/social/attract. htm http://psychology. about. com/od/nindex/g/needtobelong. tm The First website gives a list of different aspects and points about them. In this first website the need for affiliation and the need for intimacy are described. The website also has a lot of useful information on other aspects of intimate relationships that are interesting as well. The second website listed has information on the need for belong which is the other key point in this chapter. This website is all about psychology and has numerous aspects that you are able to look up and read about. This section is all about the need to belong.
It defines it and gives a lot of interesting useful information regarding the subject The following article is one that discusses the need for affiliation in a psychological aspect of life. The article can be found by clicking on the following link… http://lifepsychologyandalotmore. blogspot. com/2009/04/need-for-achievement-and-need-for. html In this article the need for affiliation is discussed along with the need for achievement. The need for achievement goes hand in hand with the rest of the information found throughout this chapter.
The need for achievement goes with the need for intimacy, the need to belong, and the need for affiliation. This article discussed how the need for affiliation could be very important for any individual, it can work as a guiding force in a person’s life numerous different ways. The need for achievement gives a sense of accomplishment, which is done a lot when you fulfill your need of affiliation, need of intimacy and need to belong as well. The article described the need for affiliation and how it drives a person to be with different kinds of people and have a bunch of different kinds of relationships.
The need for affiliation along with the need for intimacy and need to belong gain a sense of satisfaction in their own way, which is huge in the need for achievement. The article describes the need for affiliation in detail and what those who are high on the need for affiliation seek out and what they like, and have a desire for. I believe this article is a very beneficial one for people to read. It points out a lot of great information and gives a better understanding of the need for affiliation as a whole. In this chapter “Strangers, Friends, and Lovers: Why is life so complicated? The need for affiliation, need for intimacy, and the need to belong are discussed in great detail. Along with the inevitability of relationships which in a way goes hand and hand with the three needs. This chapter is a very interesting one to focus on, everyone has a need for affiliation, intimacy, and to belong. Each person has a different level of each of those needs and that goes along with the characteristics of each person, there desires, wants, and what they are looking for. The picture chosen for this chapter shows a little boy and little girl on a dock with their arms around one another.
I think this picture captures the subjects through out this chapter and puts it all into one. The saying a picture is worth a thousand words come into play here. People have a need for affiliation, intimacy, and need to belong starting at young ages. And these kids are expressing all three of those needs in one pose. The kids show the sense of involvement and belonging, which is the need for affiliation, their body language, is showing age appropriate intimacy, and the image definitely portrays a sense of belongingness. The websites I had chosen to a good job at explaining the main information with in this chapter.
The first one has information on the need for affiliation and the need for intimacy as well as other aspects of intimate relationships, which goes along with the rest of the side topics in the chapter. And the second website gives information on the last need, the need to belong. The websites are great resources for someone looking to get a better understanding on the subject. They provide valuable information that is great for educating the subject matter. The article I chose is one that I found to be very interesting. It focused on the need for affiliation and the need for achievement.
At first thought, your thinking this is a different subject than the chapter but after reading though you realize it all links together. The article gave great insight on the information and really makes your think and realize a lot about yourself and those around you. I think the article is a great one for anyone to read. This chapter is one that stood out to me and I believe the picture, websites, and article provided really do a great job at portraying the key parts of the chapter and putting them in different ways and giving a better understanding to it all. Self-Presentation and Self-Disclosure
The following two links contain websites relating to this chapter http://blogs. hbr. org/cs/2012/06/instantaneous_intimacy_skillfu. html http://www. elearnportal. com/courses/psychology/social-and-community-psychology/social-and-community-psychology-self-presentation-and-impression-management The first website focuses on self-disclosure and building trust through it. It discusses how Psychologist has known self-disclosure to be a main part of intimate relationships. “Revealing your motives, intentions, goals, values, and emotions, can increase liking and feelings of intimacy. The website gives information on the evidence found that people who disclose their selves to other are not only able to build trust but can generate a greater cooperation and teamwork level as well. The website also states how self-disclosure done incorrectly, or in the wrong environment can be a bad thing. The second website focuses on self-presentation and impression management. This website gives information on how people use impression management during self presentation in efforts to make a “favorable impression on other people.
It then described the strategies people use when doing so. The following article is one that discusses the need for affiliation in a psychological aspect of life. The article can be found by clicking on the following link… http://people. ischool. berkeley. edu/~atf/papers/fiore_secrets_lies. pdf In this article information on Self-presentation and Deception in Online Dating is presented. This was a whole section discussed with in this chapter. Computer-mediated social interaction differs in important ways from face-to-face communication; online dating is no exception.
The article discussed how whether you’re selecting a partner for just one night or for life it is an important, and subjective decision. It explains how the oddness of communication and self-presentation over the computer can lead users to perceive deception even with the lack out complete lies, but it is important not to dismiss the concerns. Deception can lead to disappointment, anger, and sadness. In the chapter “Self-Presentation and Self-Disclosure” the two terms are discussed in very detailed ways. They are looked at in a deeper manner and explored.
Self-Presentation is the process people go through to create a desired impression. While Self-Disclosure is what individuals reveal about themselves to others. The picture I chose I believe can be used as an image to represent either self-presentation or self-disclosure. The girl in the image is obese. So she decided to crop the image to only really show her face and breast and cut out the rest to make her appear to be a lot more attractive. If the cropped picture were posted online she would be deceitful in her self-presentation.
And in a way this goes along with self-disclosure as she is not revealing the right information about herself. The websites discussed are perfect for this chapter of the book. The first website in all about self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is half the chapter, and the website gives valuable information on self-disclosure and how it can built trust with in a relationship. It also discussed the negative sides to self-disclosure if done the wrong way. It could be a great website for anyone to visit who wishes to have a better understanding on the subject.
The second Website focuses on self-presentation. This website gives information how people use impression management when they self-present themselves. It also explains two strategies used, self-enhancement and other enhancement. This website would be beneficial to anyone. And lastly article I chose to use for this chapter was one on self-presentation and deception when it comes to online dating. Detecting deceit in self-presentation was a section of this chapter so I thought the article was completely appropriate.
A lot of people these days are using the Internet as a way to communicate and meet others and it is important not to fall for tricks or be confused by deceitful information. Looking for someone to form a relationship for short or long term periods doesn’t matter. Lies and deceit can make one very upset and can be a huge disappointment to all. This chapter was one I found to be very interesting as everyone goes through self-presentation and self-disclosure and they have their own ways of doing so. I feel the picture portrays the chapter, and that the websites and article provided give useful information in regarding the chapter.
Communication and Relationship Management The following two links contain websites relating to this chapter http://www. psychologytoday. com/blog/high-octane-women/201104/are-we-talking-the-same-language-how-communication-styles-can-affect-r http://www. lifeoptimizer. org/2008/08/06/long-distance-relationship/ The first website talks about how communication styles can affect relationships. It goes over and explains exactly what communication styles are, the differences between them, and how to handle the differences. The second website is one on managing long distance relationships.
This website has information on whether long distance relationships work, if so what type of effort is required. It explains how to have a happy long distance relationship, what is the greatest difficulty, along with biggest mistakes. The following article is one that discusses the need for affiliation in a psychological aspect of life. The article can be found by clicking on the following link… http://www. selfhelpmagazine. com/article/node/1682 This article is all about effective communication and healthy relationships.
This article explains what specifically communication is and how important it is, not only in giving information such as attitudes, values, priorities, and beliefs, but also how you say it. The article makes some great points on how communication is a two way street meaning how we communicate to others influences how they communicate back. There is a list of ineffective communication skills as well as effective, and then it goes over communication with in relationships. This article gives tons of helpful information on communication and healthy relationships.
The chapter of “Communication and Relationship Management” is one that I found to be very interesting and intriguing. I think both topics are very important in intimate relationships and being educated on the subjects can be something you can never get too much of. The image I chose for this specific chapter was one containing a couple that appears to be happy in a conversation. This particular picture shows every part of this chapter. The women and man in the picture are having a conversation so they are communicating and they appear to be happy and going in a positive direction with the talk.
This chapter was all about communicating and having healthy relationships, which this couple portrays to be having good skills in both. The two websites I chose to represent this chapter were both very informative, helpful sites. The first was a site that provided information on communication and its styles. This website goes over how everyone communicates differently. The chapter has a big section on the differences between men and women and how they communicate so this website goes hand and hand with that matter. The second site was on long distance relationships and how to make them work.
This was another section discussed with in the chapter. Many people go through long distance relationships for a period of time and this site would be very helpful for those people to read. It gives the do’s and don’ts in long distance relationships and what to expect from them. I think both the websites listed are great sites. Last the article listed above is a great article to go along with this chapter is one that I felt captured every aspect of the chapter, communication, and managing relationships. This article is one that once I read I felt was a great choice.
This article summarizes communication and its importance and how to incorporate it into a healthy relationship. This article can be beneficial for any person to read, not just those dealing with challenges in relationships. This chapter is one that I really enjoyed reading and learning about. I have always found communication to be a very important aspect with in relationships, if not the most important. I think it is always good to learn new and affective ways to create and maintain happy, healthy relationships. After all that is everyone’s goal. Conflict
The following two links contain websites relating to this chapter http://www. drnadig. com/conflict. htm http://www. helpguide. org/mental/eq8_conflict_resolution. htm The first website is one on relationship conflict and whether it is healthy or unhealthy. This website has information on styles of conflict resolution, types of healthy solutions, attitudes needed for healthy resolution, common mistakes made, and the stages of healthy conflict resolution. The second website is on conflict resolution skills. My immediate reaction to this website was that it was perfect.
I think this site had a tremendous amount of useful information on conflicts with in a relationship and how to resolve them. The site contains numerous charts, lists, and passages on different aspects of conflict and how to manage them. The following article is one that discusses the need for affiliation in a psychological aspect of life. The article can be found by clicking on the following link… http://www. stanleyducharme. com/resources/relation_conflict. html This article is one written by a doctor who is an expert on relationships. He explains how to manage conflict in your relationships.
He gives a real life example from his life to show how easily relationships can be jeopardized and damaged. The article explains how conflicts can affect a relationship and what most people go through and think about before during and after conflicts. The article states important information on how both people are contributors to a conflict, why to keep your pride our of an argument, why not to try to control your partner, to take time out when needed, and many more useful factors in managing conflicts. The chapter of “Conflict” is one that I found to be the most useful.
Conflict is one of the toughest things to deal with in relationships but something if learned how to manage correctly can actually benefit the relationship in a way. There are numerous different sources of conflict but it is the reactions that shape the outcome of it all. The image chosen for this chapter shows a couple who is clearly experiencing some type of conflict. The two seem to be screaming at each other and pointing at one another to put blame in some form. This image portrays conflict completely. When I came across this picture I immediately knew it was perfect for this section, it shows how ugly conflict is.
The image also shows a good example of how couples don’t want to look when they are going about conflict. It is important to take certain steps and to think about certain information so when dealing with conflict with in your relationship you don’t look like the people arguing in the image chosen. The websites listed above I believe are two that represent this chapter well. Both websites thoroughly explain conflict with in relationships. The first website goes into detail on whether specific relationship conflict is considered to be healthy or unhealthy.
This website gave help information on how to go about conflict to make it healthy. The second website was more on conflict resolution skills. This site was another favorite of mine. I think it fit perfectly into the chapter and gives a good amount of information to have a better understanding on how to resolve conflicts with in relationships when they come about. This site offers a variety of information through charts, lists, and passages. The information could be beneficial to anyone who is struggling with conflicts in their life whether it is with a loved one or even just a friend.
And finally the article I chose to represent this chapter was one that was written by a professional on the subject. The article stood out to me because I feel it could really be an eye opener to people on the subject due to the personal experience shared with in it. The article had eight other passages and sections to it that dealt with conflict and concepts to keep in mind and try to do when dealing with conflict. Conflict is something that is expected in each and every relationship and something that is sometimes needed.
Regardless of how conflict has been dealt with in the past there are always some more room for improvement and changes that can be made. The resources listed for this chapter give critical information and steps to take in order to maintain a positive relationship. Dissolution and its Aftermath The following two links contain websites relating to this chapter http://www. integratedsociopsychology. net/relationship_dissolution. html http://www. psychologytoday. com/basics/divorce The first website is a little different from the rest of the websites. The website contains a chart or web in a way.
The web chart is on dissolution in relationships and has topics that branch off from it. Those side topics then have more sub topics that branch off of them. You are able to click on them and read more information about them. The second website is one with information on dealing with divorce. This site also has different aspects of divorce and different pages you can go to regarding that specific topic. The site offers tons of information on basically every aspect relating to divorce. The following article is one that discusses the need for affiliation in a psychological aspect of life.
The article can be found by clicking on the following link… http://business. highbeam. com/437093/article-1G1-91139259/breaking-up-dissolution-relationships This article is one from psychology review. Apparently written by one of the most well-known and widely published authors on relationships. The article demonstrates many of the psychological processes natural in relationship breakdown. The article gives a ton of information on breaking up. It gives information to help people better understand dissolution, what caused it, and how people go about it. It is very enlightening on the stages and underlying process of dissolution.
This chapter of “Dissolution and its Aftermath” was the last chapter of the book and one that I really enjoyed learning about. Almost everyone experiences some type of dissolution at some point in his or her lives. I think it is important and interesting to learn about the stages of dissolution so in a way people know what to expect. The picture I chose to go into the part for this particular chapter is one that depicts and represents dissolution. The image is of a picture of a couple and the picture is being torn down the middle to show that the couple has split.
I personally believe the image fits perfectly with not only the title of the chapter but all the other information that goes along with it as well. The two websites chosen for this chapter were very different yet informative and interesting. The first one was information given through a chart. The chart was focusing on relationship dissolution and had tons and tons of side topics that branched off from it, including stages of dissolution, and gender differences. Both of those topics were ones that were explored through in the chapter. These topics have tons of other information with in the category that branched off as well.
I think the site is great one to gain information on dissolution. The second site was another one with numerous side topics. This one focused on divorce specifically. It has different articles to read on the actual split, the aftermath, divorce and children, and remarriage. This site fits perfectly with the information through out the chapter. I found it to be very enlightening and educational. The article with in this chapter is one that I found fit well with the dissolution chapter. After all it focused on the dissolution of relationships.
The article really explored the topic in depth and gave some really interesting points. It went over a lot of similar things discussed in the book, such as the three causes of dissolution identified in our book. I think this article is a great one for anyone to read hoping to gain a better understanding. Dissolution is not an easy thing to go through, and although at times it may seem like there is not much to breaking up, getting a divorce, or moving on, there is actually a lot that goes on. There are multiple stages and underlying processes that go into dissolution. Reflection Paper
Through out this course and reading the chapters in the text book I have come to have a much better understanding of intimate relationships and all the issues, theories, and research that has gone into them. For many of us, finding a soul mate is one of our greatest hopes and dreams. But while exciting stories of falling in love take center stage in popular culture, the day-in, day-out acts that make for a lasting intimate relationship don’t typically get the same play. Yet studies show that people who make the effort to maintain long-term, quality relationships enjoy tremendous benefits related to health and overall happiness.
Over the course of the class, and being educated on this five chapters I have learned numerous things about relationships. The chapters gave me a better grasp on life within relationships, self-presentation and self-disclosure, communication and relationship management, conflict within in a relationship, and lastly dissolution and its aftermath. The first chapter I chose was chapter one. This chapter was titled, Strangers, Friends, and Lovers: Why is Life so Complicated? In this chapter I learned a lot about the need for affiliation, the need for intimacy, and the need to belong.
The need for affiliation is defined as the motivation to seek the company of others, especially in times of fear and uncertainty. (Erber &Erber, 2011, p. 2). It can play a role in a variety of human interactions and in the formation of bonds and friendships. The second need, the need for intimacy is defined as the motivation to seek relationships in depth. (Erber & Erber, 2011, p. 4) Unlike the need for affiliation, the need for intimacy generates a aspiration and craving for a warm, close, and communicative relationship with one person in particular.
And lastly the need to belong, this need is defined as tendency to seek and maintain relationships of breadth as well as depth. (Erber & Erber, 2011, p. 5). The three needs discussed with in this chapter are something I found to be extremely interesting when you explore them. People motivated by affiliation work best in a group environment, and with a team. It is also normal for someone with a high need for affiliation to not like risk and uncertainty. Those who also have a high need for affiliation often don’t like or want to stand out, its better to praise and recognize them privately.
From what I have learned I feel I am someone who is motivated by affiliation, I tend to have traits and characteristics about myself that go along with the need for affiliation. But I can also relate to one of the issues with the need for intimacy. A relationship needs intimacy, regardless of whether it’s a physical intimacy or an emotional intimacy, your relationship will eventually fail without it. It is important for your relationship to have both types of intimacy as well. You cannot create a physical intimacy without the emotional intimacy, nor can you have complete emotional intimacy without the physical aspect as well.
This is where I struggle in my relationship right now. And as for the need to belong I think I have always been one who likes being apart of a team and group. Our need to belong is what makes us to try to find committed, long lasting relationships with others. It also encourages us to participate in social activities. By belonging to a group, we feel as if we are a part of something bigger, better and even more important than ourselves. This chapter was a very neat one to me. I think the concept of interactions with others, and even relationships as well, are somewhat inevitable is interesting.
It is basically impossible to not interact with people from time to time. I really liked learning about all the needs and even the last bit of the chapter of how intimate relationships have changed. A lot has changed over the last 30 years but a lot has also stayed the same. No matter how much time goes by nothing will change about people falling in and out of love. The second chapter that stood out to me was chapter five, this chapter was titled Self-Presentation and Self-Disclosure. Before this class and this specific chapter I had never known was self-presentation or self-disclosure were.
I had obviously experienced them before and have gone through situations at times where I self-disclose and self-present but I had never known there was an actual term for what was happening. Our text states that in the process of self-presentation people “may be initially motivated to create a favorable impression and to present a positive yet plausible image of the self” (Erber ;amp; Erber, 2012, p. 75). The definitive goal from someone who is self-presenting is to elicit liking from another person. Self-presentation is more to create a desired impression than the exposure of one’s true self.
Self-disclosure on the other hand is defined as “what individuals verbally reveal about themselves to others (including thoughts, feelings, and experiences)” (Erber ;amp; Erber, 2012, p. 80). The two are similar in a way but also very different. Self-Presentation is not necessarily deceitful in nature, but instead it involves the over communication of some facts or information and the under communication of others. So when self-presenting, people don’t always lie and make stuff up but rather exaggerate on certain information and describe themselves to seem desirable.
One of the easiest ways to create a desirable impression is by using verbal self-descriptions. A self-description is describing yourself in a way that communicated the desired impression your looking for. If you use verbal self-description about preferences, personality traits, accomplishments, and things of that sort it can be easy to generate the impression you were seeking. I also learned how sometimes people try to create that desired impression by using attitude expressions, attributional statements, pointing out social associations, and changes in their physical environment.
All of these methods are ones that in one way or another convey, express, or elicit a desired impression, or at least are meant to. Another interesting part of this chapter was that of detecting deceit in self-disclosure. When you think about it, and two people are just starting to get to know one another, the two people are both trying to create a favorable impression. So as one is trying to do that themselves it is normal to worry about the other person doing the same thing, which is a lot of situations is the case.
When you are aware that this is most likely the other persons goal as well, it is easy to start to worry and try to figure out truthful the other person is presenting him- or herself. Often people have to rely on nonverbal cues to detect whether someone is telling the truth or not. Non verbal cues such as posture, eye contact, and hand gestures can be helpful in telling if someone is being honest or not. Online dating is a arena in which deception is hard to detect. Many have learned to attend to a variety of small clues they use to find true character or not. Self-Disclosure can be looked at in numerous different ways and terms.
The social penetration theory looks at self-disclosure in conditions of the number of topics that are covered as well as the personal importance of those topics. This theory also predicts that as the relationships progressed self-disclosure goes from being “narrow and shallow to broad and deep” (Erber ;amp; Erber, 2011, p. 80). Unlike with self-presentation, self-disclosure typically involves at least two people interacting with one another. Through this people are able to increase or decrease their level of self-disclosure through something that is called self-disclosure reciprocity.
This theory explains that people often tend to match the other person’s self-disclosure level in terms of its “intimacy and valence”. I also liked learning about descriptive intimacy, and evaluative intimacy, self-monitoring, and self-consciousness. I think all the aspects and terms related to self-disclosure are very interesting to learn about. It’s neat to be educated on what makes people act a certain way, and on why we do what we do. The third chapter I focused on was chapter ten. This chapter was on communication and relationship management. This chapter was by far one of my favorites, as communication is something I am huge on.
I think the gender differences in communication were my favorite. Men and women differ in the ways they communicate on numerous dimensions. Normally is has less with what they say, and more with how they say it. The different cultures hypothesis suggests that men and women are classified as two different cultures. This goes along with the book Written by John Gray. The book is called Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. “Gray (1992) suggested that men prefer to do things by themselves, tend to evaluate the competence of others when interacting and are more competitive.
This is somewhat consistent with some research that have shown that men tend to value male input over female input and assume that men are more competent than women (Martin, 1996; Pierce, 1995; Williams, 1995). Males are also more likely than females to intentionally withhold information to further their own positions or harm another’s position (Deal, 2000). ” I don’t know if I necessarily agree with that point but I do agree that men and women communicate differently and have different feelings and views on communication. In general, women value affectively oriented communication skills more than men, and men value nstrumentally oriented communication skills more than women, although the effect sizes for these differences are generally small (Burleson, Kunkel, Samter, ;amp; Werking, 1996; Griffiths ;amp; Burleson, 1995; MacGeorge, Feng, ;amp; Butler, 2003; Myers, Knox, Pawlowski, ;amp; Ropog, 1999; Samter ;amp; Burleson, 2005). The other section of this chapter was all on the managing of relationships. I think this is something beneficial for anyone to read about, because everyone wants to be able to create and maintain a happy satisfying relationship.
In order to create, manage, and maintain a healthy, satisfying relationship there needs to be a mixture of idealization, attributions, and expectations. Idealization refers to a process in which a person who perceives another to be better or more desirable than what they actually are. Our text states “ intimates can create and maintain a high level of satisfaction with their relationship as long as they look at their partners in a idealistic rather than realistic way”(Erber ;amp; Erber, 2011, p. 183). It also states that those who most idealize their partner were happiest with their relationship.
A few years ago when my mom passed away one of my friends new a guy who had recently lost a parent and she said he was a good-looking guy and she said he was very athletic. So I idealized this perfect person who was very understanding, and kind, who was extremely handsome and buff. I never got to meet him, only saw pictures and he was definitely cute. I completely idealize him to be the perfect guy even. The degree to which we idealize our partners may be connected to how we justify their behavior, which brings me to the next topic of attributions.
Men who commit rape approach women with the general notion that women’s communication about sex cannot be trusted, and they fail to recognize negative reactions. Attributions are the methods by which individuals explain the causes of behavior and events of their partners. The text states, “in general, satisfied partners generate attributions that attenuate the impact of negative relationship events” (Erber ;amp; Erber, 2011). This goes along with Idealization because if your views of your partner are exaggerated then there is a chance your less likely to negative disposition.
In the relationship I am in right now by boyfriend will never lay out on the beach or pool with me, it is one of my favorite things to do over the summer. The way I explain the behavior is that he believes lying out and exposing your skin to the sun for a lengthy period of time is very unhealthy and he has expressed worry for some spots on his skin anyway. A lot of people say he lacks love and willingness to sacrifice his wants and needs for mine. I tend to have positive attributions, which has definitely benefited us in out relationship.
And lastly expectations in a relationship link to satisfaction. When people have really high expectations it is easy to be let down or disappointed but when with in the relationship both partners express their expectations and are able to meet them it is very beneficial. In my relationship now we both are very busy in the stages of our lives. He is living in College Park taking class’s full time and I am working full time and doing my online classes so we both have a lot going on. We both have expectations within the relationship and are able to keep them realistic.
We both wish to spend a lot of time together but don’t expect to during the week because of our busy schedules, and I expect one date night where we get to have time together and so far my expectations of that have been more than met. Happy and successful relationships are made and maintained when there is willingness to idealize your partner, create positive attributions when negative behaviors or events take place, and have common expectations with in the relationship. The fourth chapter I chose to explore was that of chapter thirteen. This chapter was all about conflict with in intimate relationships.
Our text defines conflict as the “Interpersonal process that occurs whenever the actions of one person interfere with the action of another” (Erber ;amp; Erber, 2011, p. 236) I have learned through personal experience and through reading this chapter that conflict is not always necessarily a bad thing. The text explains two types of conflict, constructive and destructive. Constructive conflict refers to a key force for change and growth with in a relationship. Destructive conflict on the other hand is the kind that leads to the end of a relationship.
There are differences in age and conflict, gender and conflict, and attribution and conflict. The part of this chapter that I found to be most interesting was on the stages of conflict. Peterson’s state model of conflict proposes that there are three separate stages to an argument with different paths leading to one of the possible results. The three ending outcomes consist of stalemate, escalation, and resolution. The first stage of conflict includes predisposing conditions, initiating events, and a decision on whether to take on in the disagreement or to avoid it.
If the decision to avoid the conflict the sequence stops there but if the decision is engagement it is on the middle stages. In the middle stages the conflict is discussed through either negotiation or escalation and conciliation. If the engagement is negotiated there is problem solving and solution searching going on which is then brought to a final stage. But when the engagement is escalated then there are two possible outcomes of conciliation or separation. And then finally once the engagement has ended couples reach the third and final stage in which the conflict is resolved.
Peterson discusses five possible outcomes, which include separation, domination, compromise, integrative agreements, and structural improvements. Conflict is a part of life whether we want it to be or not, it is not really with in our control. It exists as authenticity of any relationship, and is not always necessarily bad. In fact a relationship with no noticeable conflict may be unhealthier than one with regular frequent conflict. Conflicts are essential events that can weaken or strengthen a relationship.
Conflicts can be beneficial, they can help generate deeper understandings, familiarity and a lot of times even respect. They can also be destructive, causing bitterness, aggression and can lead to termination and divorce. How the conflicts get resolved, not how often they occur, is the significant, important factor in shaping whether a relationship will be a healthy or unhealthy one, whether it would be considered satisfying or not, and the level of happiness and growth with in The fifth and final chapter I focused on was the last chapter in our text, chapter fourteen.
This chapter was on dissolution and its aftermath. Pretty much everyone has had a friendship or romantic relationship come to a sticky end, sometimes getting dumped without ever knowing why, sometimes with great relief, sometimes by mutual agreement, sometimes leaving a partner who wanted to keep the relationship going. It is very rarely an easy thing or a clear process.
This chapter identified three causes to dissolution; those include preexisting doom, mechanical failure, and sudden death. In preexisting doom it involves couples that are badly matched from the start, no matter what the initiation action involved, it could not overcome personal differences. The break up in preexisting doom in inevitable. Mechanical failure describes couples that are unable to work things out. Mechanical failure occurs when things break, when communication is poor, or
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